RELATIONSHIPS

The Secret To Attracting (And Keeping!) A Man’s Attention

When you first start dating, your main concern might be how to get a guy to like you, or even to fall in love with you — but the initial attraction isn’t the most important part of your relationship.

Learning how to get his attention and keep it are two separate things. Getting a guy to ask you out for one date and keeping him around for five or six requires you to understand not only the rules of attraction, but also how to maintain his interest.

Too often in relationships, you want to believe that love reigns supreme. You want to believe that your partner has your back in every way, no matter what.

Sometimes, that’s simply not true. After all, things can change. So if you want your relationship to last, he has to continue to chase you — even after you’ve been dating for a while.

Don’t believe me?

Recently, someone told me, “I don’t know what happened between us. I mean, we were happy,” she insisted. “He used to invite me everywhere. It was like he never wanted to be away from me. Then one day, it all suddenly stopped.”

I’ve witnessed this too often. Unfortunately, when you constantly make plans with him and ignore your own life, he doesn’t see it as an act of love. In fact, this behavior becomes a real turn off. So every time she changed her plans, even at the last minute, for him, he internalized this and begin to see her as less attractive, less valuable.

In order to keep him hooked, he cannot get his way all the time. The best way to do this is to continue to stand on your own two feet. Let him know that you choose him, you don’t need him. You are an independent woman. You have your own life. In every. Single. Way.

Because of this, it’s important that you say no to him and his requests at times. Otherwise, he feels as if you’re the pursuer chasing him, which could crush his ego and desire for you without you even knowing that what you’re doing wrong.

If you’re always jumping at every whim — if you’re always available to go out or to meet up at the last minute or answering his texts and phone calls right away — then he feels that you’re desperate. In this way, you are no longer worthy of his time, so he will begin to pull away more and more.

Before long, he won’t value your time. He may even begin to think that you’re clingy and needy and just downright pathetic. So when that text message comes through, let it sit 30 minutes or longer before you reply back, unless you can see that it is time-sensitive text.

Otherwise, make him wait. He will be just fine if you don’t respond back to him immediately. When that phone call comes through, let it go to voicemail. Remind him that you did, and still do, have a life outside of him.

In other words, you can return his call, or even just text him back later. When he asks you out at the last minute, but you already have plans, don’t blow off your plans for him.

Don’t blow off your friends for him. You definitely don’t want to blow off your loved ones to go out with him. You can simply let him know that you already have plans… even if you don’t. There should be a bit of mystery there anywhere because he still enjoys the hunt.

While you think that he sees your constant availability as a sign that you like him, you’re actually pushing him away by always being available to him. Again, in his eyes, the fact that you’re so available makes him see you as desperate, needy, and clingy.

Because men love the chase, let him do just that. Give him the chase of his life. Give him the hunt that he desires from you. Even when you’re already in a relationship with him, make sure that he understands that he doesn’t have you locked down.

He should still be chasing you. You know this when we’re when you are dating and in the earliest phases of the relationship. But the truth is the chase should continue throughout your relationship, even somewhat when you’re married.

One of the best ways to do this is to constantly show him that you can handle yourself. That you don’t need him.

Bottom line, you should always do what you can to hold his attention and keep him chasing you, not the other way around.

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