RELATIONSHIPS

The 4 Most Important Factors That Help You Decide If You’ve Found ‘The One’

No matter how in love you are in your relationship, you’ve probably asked yourself at a certain point, if the person you’ve been dating is the one for you.

Sadly, figuring out if you’ve found your perfect match is difficult because there is no universally applied rule when choosing marital partners.

Everyone is looking for love and healthy relationships. A 2010 poll carried out by the Pew Research Center found that most respondents state love as the primary reason to get married.

Other factors that influenced the decision to marry were making a commitment, companionship, financial stability, and having children.

While most people marry with the intention of staying together until death do them part, the fact is that 40 to 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce.

Although there is plenty of relationship advice within your reach, it’s not one size fits all.

So, if you’re having doubts regarding your relationship, there are 4 signs you should watch out for that indicate that your partner is the one.

1. Relationship satisfaction

According to Kira Asatryan, a relationship coach and author of Stop Being Lonely: Three Simple Steps to Developing Healthy and Happy Relationships, high levels of relationship satisfaction is a good indicator that all is going well within your partnership.

After working with numerous couples, Asatryan concluded that relationship satisfaction meant both partners were getting their needs met within their relationship.

To help you assess your levels of satisfaction in your relationship, she offered four tips to help you along the way:

  • Break down your satisfaction levels into different parts such as sex, emotional closeness, communication, and finances. If you are satisfied in most or all of these aspects of your relationships, there is no reason for you to have any doubt.
  • Compare your level of satisfaction in this relationship in comparison with your previous relationship.
  • Determine if you can easily imagine being more satisfied in different circumstances than you are in now.
  • Determine if you have a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction but without no know root cause.

2. Partnership responsiveness

Another good indicator that you are in a relationship with the right person is that they are highly responsive to you and vice versa.

As explained in a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the quality of a relationship depends on the belief that your partner understands, values, and supports important aspects of your personality.

Furthermore, people who perceive their partners as being responsive to their personality and needs feel much more satisfied, closer, and are committed to such relationships, according to a study conducted by researchers from the University of Rochester.

If you feel that your partner supports your life goals and shows compassion towards you, then this is a good sign that you are in a healthy relationship.

However, do take note that emphatic responsiveness needs to come from both sides of the relationship.

3. Length of the relationship

When you are head over heels in love, it is normal to feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Scientists, on the other hand, believe we shouldn’t lose all rational thinking when committing to a relationship.

As far as neurobiology is concerned, our feelings of infatuation at the start of a new relationship are nothing more than dopaminergic surges in the brain observed in most species of the animal kingdom.

On the brighter side, sexual attraction and satisfaction early on is a definitive indicator that your relationship is based on solid grounds.

However, once this initial euphoria of a new relationship ends which usually happens after 12 months, there is a chance for true commitment to take place.

According to Thomas R. Lee, Ph.D. from the Department of Family and Human Development at Utah State University, the longer your acquaintance, the better the odds of your relationship becoming a lifelong commitment.

4. Handling conflict and peace at home

Mark Banschick, M.D., psychiatrist and author of The Intelligent Divorce, explains that your home life tells a lot about the quality of your relationship.

Do you walk on eggshells around your partner or are you completely relaxed in his or her presence? Partners who initiate conflict, for no reason, may not be a good choice for marital life.

Things will become even more complicated when children and shared finances are involved. He also suggests you take a good look at how the two of you handle conflict.

Do you stuff your feelings and bear grudges or do you discuss your issues and reach an equilibrium? If you feel like you are in a limbo of never-ending conflicts, it may be a sign that the two of you need counseling or maybe even need to part ways.

Knowing your significant other is the one is something you will know once you’ve reached good insight in both the state of your relationship and in your own psychology.

Before big choices are made such as moving in together, getting married or even starting a family, you need to develop an understating of what relationships are all about that is beyond emotional states.

A good way is to seek counseling to discuss your expectations about your future together and have any unresolved issues and doubts cleared with the help of a third party.

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