No one likes to think that the person they love could be settling for them, but it happens every day. Most people don’t even realize they are settling for someone until they are reviewing it in hindsight.
But if we’re honest with ourselves, most of us can say we’ve settled for a relationship we weren’t really that into at least once in our lives. I know I’ve looked back on a couple of my own relationships and, when doing so, saw clearly that I had just been settling for them.
People settle for several reasons, but most of the time these reasons are due to their insecurities.
We may not think we’ll find anyone better, or we may want to impress our friends with someone attractive, even if we don’t actually like the person’s personality ourselves.
And most of us have also been on the other side — as the person wondering how to tell if a guy likes you for sure.
One of my relationships made me feel wickedly insecure because it was blatantly obvious throughout that he was settling for me. I don’t think he realized it at the time, but it was there, nonetheless. I wish I would have picked up on it and dumped his ass before I fell for him, but at least now I can avoid the pain in the future and maybe help some others along the way.
So when you ask yourself, “Does he love me?” here’s how to know if a guy likes you — or if he is really just settling for you.
1. He doesn’t introduce you as his girlfriend.
If a guy is introducing you to his friends, family, colleagues, etc. as “Jane Doe” (or even worse, as “my friend, Jane Doe”) and not as “my girlfriend, Jane,” he is clearly second-guessing something in the relationship.
This one is a major red flag that he’s either embarrassed by something about the way you look or behave, he’s a commitment-phobe, or he’s just not that into you.
2. He’s easily annoyed by your quirks.
If a guy likes you, in the early stages of a relationship your quirks should seem cute and endearing.
If you’ve only been dating someone a few months and they are already annoyed by some of the habits you have or some of your eccentricities, he’s probably not really that into you — and he most likely never really will be.
3. He makes comments about how particular women — women who are not you — are “out of his league.”
If a guy does this, he’s a jackass. He’s basically implying that you are not out of his league, but that other women are, and that is why he has settled for you. A man who is really into you is supposed to think that you are the best thing there is, not that you’re “as good as it gets” for him.
Of course, we will all be attracted to other people at times, but to say that someone else is too good for him is essentially the same as saying that you’re not as good as she is.
4. He doesn’t invite you to family functions or to hang out with him and his friends.
If a guy is really into you, he’s going to want to show you off and share these parts of his life with you. If you’ve been dating for several months (and it is even Facebook official!), yet he’s still going solo to family events such as weddings and birthday parties, there is a reason he’s choosing not to bring you along.
Weddings are typically events where people will even bring someone they are newly dating. If you’ve been dating for several months and he is going to weddings without you, I think it’s fair to assume that he does not want you to meet his friends or family, which means that for whatever reason, he is not madly in love.
5. He values other people’s opinions about your relationship — a lot.
If someone is into you, they are not going to care a whole lot what other people think about you or the relationship you share. If he’s constantly seeking out the advice of other people before making decisions regarding your relationship, he may be trying to get confirmation that you’re not right for him.
You may not know he is doing this right away, but consider how much time he typically needs before getting back to you on things where your relationship is concerned. If he always needs time to think about it, either he’s discussing it with someone else to get an outside opinion or he’s struggling with trying to decide if you are really worth the effort or time.
Either way, you deserve better!!
If you’re in a relationship wondering, “does he love me?” and your significant other is exhibiting one of a few of these behaviors, it’s time to sit them down and have a talk.
And if he’s doing all of these things, there’s a good chance he’s not in love with you, he just settling for you — for now. At the very least, he’s not respecting you and there are behaviors you need to discuss.
Most people won’t admit to themselves that they are settling, let alone admit that to the person they are settling for. However, his reaction to you asking him about the idea that he is settling could be quite helpful.
Use this conversation as an opportunity to find out why he’s really into you and where he sees the relationship going. If you’re not happy with the answers he gives you, it may be time to move on and find someone who thinks you are amazing and that the sun shines in your smile (as it most certainly does).