When you find that person you want to spend every waking moment with, you want nothing more than to dive into a real, true, committed relationship with them! However, your partner might not be on the same page.
Commitment can be hard for a lot of people and many thoughts can race through a person’s mind who isn’t ready to commit. Commitment phobia is real and it can cause a person to feel overwhelmed with the thought of a real relationship.
Some things people with commitment issues think about are being tied down and losing their sense of freedom. Commitment phobia may be unexplainable for some people, but for others it can stem from childhood or a traumatic experience. It’s best to always have an open line of communication with the person you love who you suspect has a hard time with commitment.
If you’re dating someone and want to make things official, here are signs that you might be with someone who has commitment issues.
1. They are keeping their options open.
A person with commitment issues is afraid of settling. They want to keep their options open and know what or who is out there. They have you, but they insist on having other or guys constantly around too who are “just friends”.
If all of his/her friends of the opposite are single, that’s a bad sign. They’ve got one foot in the relationship with you, while the other is testing the waters with someone else just in case. It might not mean they’re physically cheating, but it can also be looked at as a form of emotional cheating.
2. They are hot and cold when it comes to your relationship.
Being hot and cold and sending mixed signals is a sign of someone with commitment issues. They’re confused and don’t know what they really want. One day, he/she might want to be all loving because they’re lonely, while the next day, they’ll be “wanting space” and won’t even send you a single text. This could leave you scarred and thinking this behavior is okay. I’m here to tell you, it’s not.
If you’re confused on someone’s feelings for you, their feelings aren’t very strong. When you meet the right person, you’ll know exactly how they feel about you always. Mixed signals are usually a very clear sign: he/she is just not that into you and more than likely it’s due to their fear of committing.
3. They’ve never had a long-term relationship.
If your significant other has never had a real boyfriend or girlfriend before you, you might feel special thinking about being the first one. However, it can also be a sign that they have commitment issues. If your partner has a long list of hookups and short-term flings, but no long-term relationships, it could mean they’re not ready for that level of commitment yet. They might be happy just going out and having casual fun.
Analyze how they act around you, but don’t overthink their behaviors. For example, notice if he/she ever has any serious talks with you or if it’s all just about light-hearted topics. Are they really trying to get to know you and discover what makes you you? Or are they just having fun with the thought of having someone around for a good time and some company?
4. Labels scare them.
Picture this scenario: Things are good between the two of you, you’re happy and have been going out a while. You ask about making it official, but the thought of calling you his girlfriend scares him. If this has happened to you before, you’ve got yourself someone with commitment issues.
The label of girlfriend/boyfriend and the word relationship in general overwhelms people who aren’t ready for a long-term commitment. You might already be acting like you’re in a relationship with them and nothing might even change once you make it official, but to them, becoming exclusive(even though they might already be) is a big step. You can either continue dating them without a label, or if you’re not content with that, tell them how you feel and be prepared to find someone who is ready for a relationship.
5. They tell you they’re scared of commitment.
This one might sound obvious, but it’s the answer to your commitment questions. If you or your partner has brought up the topic of commitment and they’ve expressed their fears in it, they’re telling the truth. The best thing you can do is accept it and make your own decision. You can either choose to stay with this person who isn’t all in or walk away and eventually meet someone who’s just as ready for a relationship as you are.
The worst thing you can do is stick around with the mentality that you’re going to change their mind about commitment. Changing someone’s mind about their views is very unlikely and what you’re trying to do will seem very obvious to them. Trying to get them to commit will put added pressure on the relationship. They’ll commit to someone if and when they’re ready to and there’s nothing you can do about that.